Cleanse

One month today! I realized that I had not written on the blog in some time. This is due mainly to the fact that my life no longer seems to revolve around cigarettes. The first few weeks, they were pretty much all I could think about. But I stopped to realize today, I hadn’t thought about a cigarette - not even one time - in the past 5 days. This is truly amazing to me.
I cannot begin to describe the strength that has been regained in my voice in such a short time. I have more power now than I remember ever having and it just seems to be getting better day by day. I cannot begin to imagine what it will sound like by the time we are ready to record the EP at the end of the summer. Everyday, it is truly remarkable to breathe. There was a time when I thought that I would think about cigarettes constantly for the rest of my life. Now, they are barely a passing thought.
Bought a 2007 Mustang convertible over the weekend. I vow that this car will be smoke-free. My Eclipse smelled so bad from smoking in it all of those years. It feels so good to cruise around LA with the top down and smell that new car smell and know that it will never smell like cigarettes.
Today is a good day to be alive.

Updates will follow…

Day 23. I have officially passed the 3 week mark over the weekend. This weekend was Dave’s birthday party and I had originally been very nervous about this because this would be the first time that I attempted to drink without smoking.
I started with one drink at first, and waited for that “awful” feeling I knew was going to come as a result of not being able to have a cigarette.
But you know what??? …it never came.
People were having a great time at the party, and one drink quickly led to several more on my part. I thought about cigarettes several times during the party, but only to marvel to myself, incredulously, each time that I didn’t really feel any great desire to have a cigarette. I was having a fine time without them. Not just that I was having a fine time…I was having an even better time than if I did smoke…because now, at least, I didn’t have to leave the party every time I needed to smoke so I wouldn’t be smoking around the children that were there.
I was quite an extraordinary day. I faced that trigger and I came through it with more confidence than I have ever had to date in this endeavor.
The next night, I had a glass of wine at the bar while listening to some live music…and, again, I didn’t smoke. And it really didn’t matter to me.

At one point on Sunday, I became frustrated at rehearsal over a guitar part I was having trouble with, and my first immediate thought was “I need a cigarette.”
However, that thought is quickly replaced by the realization of just how GREAT my voice is sounding without cigarettes. And that is something I want to keep…it continues to be one of my greatest motivators. I always had a great voice, but I continue to be astounded by how much better it sounds every day that I don’t smoke. The band has a huge show on Friday night and I can’t wait for people to hear my new voice.

I continue to eat well and work out several times a week. I have lost 5 pounds since I stopped smoking. I feel better than I can remember feeling in a really long time.
Updates will follow.

Day 17. I am feeling pretty good today. I still find that I am needing to sleep more than I used to. From what I understand, though, this is still common of nicotine detox. The first three weeks are really the hardest physically on the body.
It is strange because most of the day passes by now and I do not think of cigarettes at all. The first week or so, I thought about cigarettes constantly, but now hours and hours seem to go by without their passing thought.
I want to vomit everytime I get inside my car because I can still smell the stale smell of smoke in the upholstery. However, I will not be buying my Mustang until July 7, so I have several more weeks to get by in this car. On a positive note, the smell of cigarette smoke absolutely sickens me in the car (I never noticed it before). I take this to be a good sign. Also, when I pass someone on the sidewalk who is smoking, I am reminded each time of how awful the smell is. Funny…17 days ago, I would have hardly noticed the smell at all.
I am eating so many good and whole foods…I feel that every molecule of my body is happy.
It is Dave, my bass player’s, birthday party on Saturday and I am going to try to drink one drink there. I am very nervous about this because I have both smoked and drank since I was 18 and both have ALWAYS gone together. This will, quite literally, be the first time in 11 years I have ever drank and not smoked. However, by this weekend, it will be 3 weeks since I quit smoking, and though I did promise myself that I would not drink for 3 weeks in order to make the quit as easy on me as possible, I do know that I must face this hurdle/trigger at some point.
Today is a good day. I am a little tired, but for the most part feel pretty good.
I still have some lows in my mood, but in general, it seems to feel better than last week.
Updates will follow.

I am really really enjoying the food I get to make - this quinoa salad is FUCKING AMAZING:

 1 box Quinoa

1 red bell pepper

1 green bell pepper (sorry Deb)

black beans

corn

1 jalapeno

4 cloves of garlic

olive oil

salt/pepper

chili powder

chop up all the veggies, dump everything together. refridgerate. totally awesome.

I forgot to write here, indeed. Anyway.

I’ve been feeling pretty good. The amazing thing about good food? Your body likes it. Lots of water and good whole foods? It is magical. I’ve lost about 10 lbs, and I’m going back to the gym shortly. The hardcore part of my detox is over, more or less. I’m down to a vegan diet. I don’t see why I shouldn’t just keep eating well…Not to say I’m going vegan, but I’m definitely going to keep on eating whole foods. I went to the bar last night and did not have one drop of alcohol. It’s a little strange being around a bunch of drunk people while sober, but whatever, I had a good time anyway.

As far as the oranges, hummus, and pita…Last week I had these things for lunch, and right after I ate I had this wonderful sense of well being and happiness. Like my body was telling me something. It was really quite nice.

I’m really quite proud of Debbie, she has the hard job. Also, the headaches have subsided. Thank Dog.

Day 15. I see that Mark has not posted in awhile and has, therefore, failed to tell you about his experience with the orange, pita bread, and hummus. Maybe another day???

The weekend for me was a series of ups and downs. Friday night, I felt particularly bored and depressed as another weekend would go by that I was stuck at home, not allowing myself to go down to the bar to enjoy a drink. However, I had previously made an agreement with myself that I would not allow myself to try to drink any wine for 3 weeks after I quit smoking (to try to help myself with the cravings during the quit as much as possible). However, most Friday nights, I would end up at the bar to enjoy a few drinks, some live music, and some time with my friends there. I think this, and my continued exhaustion as my body continues to detox, led to the boredom and depression of Friday night. I realize now, that I should have come up with different activities to fill these Friday nights when I am abstaining from drinking and staying away from the bar, so as to alleviate the boredom that ensued.
There were some VERY low points of that night and there were several moments that I was tempted to drive to the liquor store and pick up some wine and a pack of cigarettes. However, I stayed strong and weathered through it, knowing that the cravings would pass (and are the strongest in these first 3 weeks) and if I ended up smoking, I would be so mad at myself only minutes later.
The rest of the weekend was unremarkable. There were very few cravings, if any, both Saturday and Sunday. I have also continued on with the running and yoga program that I started 11 days ago. This seems to really help with both my moods and my physical well-being when I start my day out with exercise.
Another bonus, I am shocked by how much more breath support I have when singing these past few days. I have so much more available air, I don’t even know what to do with it all right now, and I am having to retrain myself in order to be able to maximize this extra breath. I was at band practice last night, and for the first time, did not have to strain on certain parts of songs that had always in the past given me some trouble. This keeps me motivated. If I am already experiencing these positive results in my singing (one of the most important things to me in the whole world) at 2 weeks…just imagine what I might sound like in 2 months!!! I already had a huge voice as a smoker, so I cannot even begin to imagine what it will be like after several more months as a non-smoker.
Sunday morning, I coughed for nearly an entire hour straight. It is painful and annoying, but I also know that it is a GOOD thing because it is simply a way that my body is showing me it is really beginning to heal itself…
15 days in…I know that I have a long way to go, but it is really so incredible to me that it has been over 2 whole weeks since I last had a cigarette.
Updates will follow…

QuitMeter Counter courtesy of www.quitmeter.com.

Day 11 has begun. I anticipate it may be better than the day before.
What I have come to wonder is: maybe I have not been sleeping enough and that is what has made me so crazy these past few days. I do know that the body requires much more sleep as it is detoxing. However, I have gotten between 5 and 6 hours AT THE MOST each night and maybe that is just simply not enough. If the body truly needs 8 hours of sleep to just function day to day, it should need even more to deal with the stress of detoxing. So, maybe I had just pushed myself to the point of exhaustion and that is what led to my crazy feelings of depression and anxiety yesterday.
Last night, I arrived home from work at 7pm. I went straight to bed and immediately fell asleep. I did not wake up again until 8:30 this morning. 13 1/2 hours of sleep.
I am imagining now, that I had just simply pushed myself to the point of exhaustion. And on top of all of that, I was running and doing yoga each day and that was simply expending even more energy, depleting my body even more.
Today, I am feeling much better after my long siesta. I did 45 minutes of aerobics this morning. I plan to get up early to run again tomorrow morning, so I just need to make sure to get enough sleep to deal with the extra activity on top of the ongoing detox.
So far, there have been no cravings for cigarettes today. Everyday, I find that I can breathe a little more deeply.
Updates will follow.

It is day 10 of the detox. 10 days since I quit smoking. Something that I was not anticipating - excruciating depression. They say nicotine and alcohol numb the system down. Perhaps I used them as a crutch. When nicotine is taken away, they say people begin to feel emotions and feelings that they were previously not aware of - that they had previously numbed with the drug. It’s the only explanation I have. I don’t know what to do with this. I don’t care if I ever smoke another cigarette again. I don’t care about much of anything right now. It’s Day 10 and I’m still here. I hope Day 11 is a little brighter.

It has now been one week since I last had a cigarette. I had a moment on Friday night when I really went crazy and almost caved into the cravings, but I pushed through it and I am still standing here a non-smoker.
One thing that really keeps me going…
I feel like I am experiencing all sensations for the first time…everything smells and tastes differently to me. I used to dump an excruciatingly large amount of salt onto everything I ate. I would say it was just because I loved salt. However, by the third day of quitting smoking, I found that I no longer wanted to put salt on much of anything. Everything tastes so fresh and new to me.
I am continuing to go out running each morning, and I am perpetually amazed by the new scents that I smell when I am outside. It is like I am smelling everything for the first time.
I, like Mark, had an excruciating headache Friday night which was so bad, I could barely hold my eyes open. However, I went to sleep and felt much better the next morning. I am told these headaches, which can come and go for the first 7-10 days are just simply part of the body’s detox.
Other than that, there is not much more to report today. Each day, I am feeling better than I did the day before. I can already feel my lung capacity expanding. There is a place down at the bottom of my breath that expands now that wasn’t there even three days ago.
And so, I just keep moving along. Eating so many good foods, vegetables and fruits, makes my cravings practically nothing at this point. I do think throughout the day about cigarettes (I think this is natural), however, I don’t find that I desire to have them.
Updates will follow.